Just Divorced

Margarita's husband just left her for another woman. Her world has collapsed. She feels rejected, betrayed, hurt, depressed, belittled, shamed, fearful, bitter, injustice and anger and even revenge at times.

She fears that she will not be able to cope with life alone. She fears that she will not find another man now at her age and with two children. She fears engaging in another relationship, because this one did not work and she can not stand going through this trauma again. She fears that alone she will not be socially acceptable, that she will not have much in common with her married friends.

She feels rejected because he preferred another woman and hurt because he did not treat her with respect and love. She is depressed because he feels tired and helpless to do anything to better her life. If she did not have the children, she would crawl into a bed and do nothing. She feels shamed and demeaned as a woman, that she has lost her self-worth as a woman, because she was not able to keep her husband's interest.

She feels anger and thinks of revenge because she believes that he is to blame for her unhappiness and her helpless situation. She would like to make him hurt as she is hurting.

On the other hand she also feels guilty. Perhaps she also made a number of mistakes. She was always nagging him and never satisfied with him as a person. One might ask her why she is so unhappy that he left, when she never had a good word to say about him, and never really accepted him or respected him. It is no wonder that he sought out someone who would accept him.

What could Margarita's lessons be?
What can she learn from this situation?

Could it be that she has to learn some of the following lessons:

To realize that she can be happy and secure without him?

To realize that her self-worth is not dependent on whether he wants to be with her or prefers her to all others?

To learn to be happy and fulfilled within herself?

To learn to forgive and love and accept him even if he prefers not to be with her at this time, or even if he prefers to be with someone else?

To examine within herself to see what she may have done which might have made him unhappy or unfulfilled?

To free herself from the belief that she will be abandoned again?

To overcome her attachment to the other, or to having a partner at all?

To free herself from any beliefs which conclude that she does not deserve to have a happy relationship?

To free herself from negative childhood experiences which may have created a negative subconscious image of relationships?

To learn to give and take with a wider circle of persons and not limit her love to only one person?

To be more positive and less demanding and less attached in her relationships?

To give more of herself to the other?

That life is giving her exactly what she needs for her next step in her evolution?

To learn to be more satisfied with and encouraging to her next partner?

Participating in a self-knowledge group will help her to discover what she needs to learn and support her in that process.

More Topics:
DivorceNet
Contains divorce, alimony, and custody information and resources.

Divorce - Wex
An overview of divorce law with links to key primary and secondary sources, from Wex.

State Divorce Laws
Laws of the states and to tables summarizing some of their salient points.

Divorce Law Information Center
U.S. resource center on divorce law with forms for filing a no-fault divorce. Telephone legal advice available.