I Do, Again: Second Wedding Etiquette

For many couples planning a wedding, the steps can seem like dj vu. Second weddings are almost as common as first unions. For this reason, proper rules of etiquette have been placed on second weddings. Of course, you should use your own judgement, and remember that many wedding rules are now seen as outdated. The reaction of your former spouse is only one tender area to consider when planning your wedding.

Before You Say "I Do":


It's important to consider the feelings of your former spouse when announcing your upcoming wedding. Have the courtesy to tell him or her in person, rather than risk the chance of your former spouse hearing the news as gossip. If you have a cordial relationship, tell your ex-spouse over coffee or dinner. If the relationship is less friendly, a formal phone call will suffice. You may have a friendly relationship with your former in-laws, and they should be offered the same sort of courtesy.

Children of any age can have trouble accepting a parent's remarriage, but they must be told before anyone else. Even if you know that your child will protest, he or she should not be omitted from the plans or told at the last minute. Adult children sometimes need time to adjust to the news, accept the union and welcome the new step parent.

Therefore, a second wedding etiquette stipulates that mom and dad to make their engagement known to the children first. If the relationship is good between the kids and the new stepparent, they would respect their parent's wishes and support their union.

Finer Points Of The Wedding:

If you have already been married once before, the process of the second wedding will be easier to handle. You and your future spouse should remember that a second wedding is typically a smaller affair involving family and a few close friends. It is considered impolite to ask your former spouse to attend, but if you enjoy a friendly relationship you may feel free to do so.

You and your future spouse should have a frank and honest discussion about expenses well before the wedding date. Both parties should share the cost equally, and you need to determine who will pay for what before you begin making plans.

Many couples celebrating a second wedding choose to hold the event out of town. Often, older couples have more disposable income and are able to afford the luxury of celebrating the marriage in a foreign place. This isn't always true of every guest, however. Consider whether your guests are able to pay for travel, accommodation, and related expenses.

Where to Hold Your Second Wedding:

The most important rule of planning the location for your second wedding is to be sure it's not a spot that holds emotional ties to any past unions. A second wedding is a particularly emotional time, and either partner can have unspoken uncertainties about past marriages. Working together, mutually choose a location and theme for both the ceremony and the reception. When you've agreed, you may then share the news with your friends and family.

The couple as a courtesy should also provide for the transportation of everyone. It is allowed to inquire beforehand who will bring a car so that the number of rented automobiles can be estimated. Doing so would save the couple cash and time.

Should the Bride Wear White?

It is entirely acceptable for the bride to wear a white wedding dress. The groom and groomsmen may wear traditional tuxedos. Second wedding etiquette dictates that the wedding fashion and color palettes can mirror those of first weddings.

It's a Family Affair:

Not all second weddings are about creating new families. The second wedding etiquette can be employed to celebrate a renewal of vows to each other. This is usually done to mark a marriage's milestone like the 25th year or the 50th year anniversary.

Weddings like this are more private and solemn than the first wedding and possibly even more joyous. Reaffirming one's vow made to their wife or husband is such a beautiful gesture. The second wedding etiquette for the couple is to invite their closest friends and family to the event and keep it as effortless as possible.

Second Wedding Etiquette for Guests:

If you are invited to a second wedding, it is polite to bring a gift. While the use of a bridal registry is optional, every couple can use and appreciate thoughtful gifts. A gift of cash is always welcome, and second wedding etiquette dictates that the envelope is handed to a member of the family.

It's not at all difficult to follow the rules of etiquette for a second wedding. As in a first marriage, the most important point is to be considerate of your partner's feelings and wishes. As for the honeymoon, it should be sweeter than your first. The lessons that you learned in your first marriage should have made you stronger and wiser, so that you may enjoy a happy and successful second union.